Just Hold on
by HaleylovesRockNRoll
Summary: Rachel Berry never went to NYADA, instead of getting of that train and going to NYADA, she got off and was raped, after making a turn of wrong choices, she decides life isn't worth it, and drowns her heartbreak, and pain in Liquor and drugs, but years later, can she become the girl she once was three years ago with the help of a certain highschool sweetheart? Slight Klaine


_**Hi my name's Haley, this is my first ever finchel fanfiction, actually my first ever glee fanfiction, so it's not the best but it's my best and I want you guys to enjoy it, but I want to make somethings clear, I'm the quickest updater, I have extreme health problems at the moment, so it takes a while, and critism helps me! So enjoy if you want! :D**_

Chapter One: Just hold on

Rachel gripped the whiskey bottle tight in her hand, she sighed before quickly turning the bottle up to her mouth the hot liquid stinging the back of her throat.

She sighed as she wiped the tears spilling from her eyes, what in the hell happened to her? She was supposed to become a big broadway star after high-school instead she was here living a living hell.

Rachel never talked about what happened after she got off that train to New York, it was private, if she ever told anyone she was raped, they would freak out, instead she sat alone working as a Bartender, living in the most unsafe part of New York, drowning herself in tears, drinking her pain away.

_*FlashBack*_

_Rachel wiped the tears that ran down her face from saying Goodbye to Finn, she stopped for a second and embraced where she was, she was here, this was it. She couldn't hold on to him, if they were meant to be, they would be. _

_Gripping the handle of her pink suitcase Rachel walked down the crowded sidewalk, trying to avoid New Yorkers and their intense shoving, sighing she decided to find another way, turning on a dark alley, she looked checking around her to make sure there wasn't a crazy stalker following her. _

_She walked down the alley, thinking of how life would be now, would she ever see Finn again? Or would he be another memory that would stay a memory. She wanted to see him again, he was hers, and she was his. _

_She was so deep in thought she didn't see the two dark shadows cross across the lightway. Rachel was knocked out of her thought when she heard a loud clank. She looked and saw a long silver pole laying in front of her. _

_She breathed deeply, trying to hide the fear that started creeping into her body. She grabbed the suitcase yanking it forward before started to run as fast as she could in her heels. _

"_Stop!" A loud gruff voice yelled from behind her. She froze, her heart stopping instantly. She stood quietly wanting nothing than to disappear. "Turn around now, or God so help me I will shoot you." Another voice said even louder. _

_Rachel felt tears feeling her eyes as she turned slowly, seeing two tall, muscular men, with black ski masks over their head. They were both clearly big men, from the way they stood, and talked. _

"_Aren't you something?" The taller man said laughing. "What do you want?" Rachel choked out letting tears escape her eyes. The shorter guy snickered before ignoring her question and asking, "What's a young pretty girl like you doing out here all alone?" _

_Rachel let out a sharp sob before saying, "Please let me go, I won't tell anyone about this. " The taller man lowered his gun and gave it to the shorter man before walking closer to Rachel, before saying, "Darling, we'll let you go, after we finish some business. And you won't tell anyone about this, Rachel Berry, we know a whole lot about you." _

_Rachel gasped at the mention of her name, how in the hell did they know her name? "Surprised much?" The shorted guy asked. Rachel let a wail rip through her tiny body, as she backed up slowly as the guy walked slower. She had to make a run for it. _

_As she turned quickly, she started running forgetting her suitcase, before she could make another step, she felt two big arms wrap around her waist. "NO, STOP IT, PUT ME DOWN!" She screamed kicking against him. _

_She screamed as he pushed her against the stone wall hard enough to at least leave a bruise. She heard one of the men say, "You look out, I'll go first." Rachel's eyes flew open before she realized what was happening, they were going to rape her. _

_She screamed once more as the man slipped his hands between her legs, rubbing against her, she closed her eyes, feeling the pain, and hurt as each took turns raping her, she couldn't bear it, she felt disgusted, she wanted nothing more than to just die._

_Soon they were finished with her, but they weren't sorry, they were satisfied, "Listen Rachel, nobody hears about this, if anyone does, We'll fuck you up." The taller man said pushing her against the wall. She nodded quickly, as he dropped her, her knees scraping against the cement. _

_She watched as they disappeared at the corner. She slid down her back against the wall, and let loose her pain and tears. She cried for what felt like hours, before finally getting up, and straightening her clothes, trying to make them look half decent._

_She picked up the pink suitcase, and left the alley, like nothing had ever happened, because she didn't know how they knew her and she didn't want to know._

_*End Of Flashback*_

The rape was something in life she would have to move on from no matter how long it took, it was a part of her, one of her flaws that she would have to learn to accept, she was scared and there was no changing that. Of course the rape wasn't the only reason she was always in constant pain, Finn Hudson still had her heart, and probably always would.

She missed Finn, she never admitted it to Noah who occasionally talked to her, she knew Finn had moved on from her to a new girl, and Rachel eventually learned to accept it, though deep in her heart Rachel knew that was part of the reason she was the mess she was today.

Rachel grew angry at the thought of Finn, throwing the empty Whiskey bottle across the room, shattering into pieces, she leaned back in the recliner and cried. That was her normal routine for the day. Drowning her sorrows as a drunk.

Finn Hudson was her high-school sweetheart, her almost husband, and part of her needed him back in her life. She saw pictures of him and the other girl on facebook a while back, he looked so happy, that same way he was with her, that spark in his eye.

Apparently the girls name was Miranda, she was tall, had black hair, big green eyes, tan skin, and she looked perfect, even her nose was perfect, and she knew Finn loved that.

Rachel got up slowly, walking towards the big brown cabinet beside the Stove, and pulled out another bottle of Whiskey, opening it turning it up to her mouth, drinking away the pain away. Soon she felt herself feeling dizzy before passing out on the couch, the whiskey spilling, and staining the white carpet.

The next morning Rachel woke up feeling dizzy, but she was used to it, it was everyday. She had to be at work at 5 and worked until 3 in the morning. Looking at the clock she realized it was almost 1 now.

She got up looking around her seeing the stained carpet, the empty whiskey bottle, the shattered whiskey bottle, the cabinets were open, it was the usual. She got up cleaning the mess, sweeping the glass, shutting the cabinets, throwing the glass, and empty bottles away. Soon it looked like it did before.

She rubbed her temples, trying to avoid the oncoming headache. Rachel walked towards her bedroom, going straight to the closet grabbing a pair of black skinny jeans and a plain white tanktop, and her leather jacket. She knew a change of scene meant a change of style.

As she washed off and shampooed her hair, she thought about her life, it was the same thing every time, I wonder how my Dads feel, are they disappointed, are they hurt, it's been three years since I have called them, how is Finn, I know he's still with that girl. Is Kurt still at NYADA, how about Santana what happened to her, I hope their lives are better than mine. It was never anything different she thought.

After getting out of the shower and getting dressed, Rachel applied her usual dark makeup, and pulled on her combat boots. She knew she was different than that girl who used to wear knee socks, little dorky skirts, and animal sweaters, and if anyone from Glee saw her they would fall out in surprise, but it was who she was now and there was no changing that.

She pulled her hair in a high, and tight ponytail, before grabbing her keys, and purse and heading out the door to the motorcycle she worshipped, possibly the only nice thing she had.

As she started the engine, she wrapped her fingers around the star necklace, it was still there and was still special.

Riding through the city was difficult but it was something that Rachel had adapted to as she lived here.

Rachel stared at NYADA as she passed it by, she wished she was still that girl, the one who had huge dreams of becoming something, and was sure of herself, instead of the bad, alcoholic, girl who hated living, the girl who always doubted herself, person she was now.

She snapped back to attention as a taxi behind her blew the horn loudly. She pushed the gas the bike roaring to life speeding down the highway, to a new coffee shop she had heard about a few days ago. It was called; Coffee Express.

She about 6 cars parked in the parking lot, She parked beside an older car, that looked like it would belong to a kids Grandparents.

Getting off the bike she put the helmet on the seat of the motorcycle, and smoothed her ponytail out before crossing the parking lot, and walking into the little coffee shop, it was small inside, the walls were a dark cream color, the floors a regular kitchen tile, it smelled completely of coffee and pastries.

She walked up to the counter, standing behind about two people as they ordered taking their sweet time. She drummed against her thigh as it finally got to her order.

She looked up and saw a tall, brown headed, green eyed, man with a big smile. "Hello gorgeous what can I get you?" He said in a perky voice. She slightly smiled at the comment before saying, "A large French vanilla latte, extra Vanilla." Rachel said to the man. "Anything else?" He asked. "Um, yeah can I get a plain bagel as well." Rachel asked feeling kind of hungry.

"That'll be $8.67, for here or to go?" He asked. "For here" Rachel said deciding to relax a while before work. She handed him the exact amount of money, before staring out the window. "Okay, your order number is #43." He said handing her the receipt. "Thanks" She muttered before walking away to wait for the coffee and bagel.

After receiving it she went to the farthest table off into the corner she could find before sitting, and picking at bagel. She took a sip of the steaming hot latte.

She was deep in a train of thought before she heard a confused, "Rachel, Rachel Berry, Holy Barbra is that you?" She looked up and saw Kurt and Blaine staring at her in shock.

She realized how different she looked, it was probably a shocker. "Hey Kurt, Blaine." She murmured quietly. "Rachel, you look so… different." Kurt said running a hand through his hair.

"I know Kurt, I've been here ever since Graduation, and Finn dropped me off at the train." Rachel said quickly taking another sip of the coffee. "Wow, really, I haven't ever seen you around, I don't think." Kurt said as Blaine shifted uncomfortably.

"So um how are you guys, how is everyone?" Rachel asked trying to change the topic. "They are good, actually, Tina she's at Harvard, Sam he's in Lima running his own class, Mercedes has a record deal, Santana well she's Santana, Brittany runs a dance class, Mike's still a dancer, Artie's currently directing a film, Quinn's studying to become a Nurse, and Noah's still in the pool cleaning service, and Finn he's um in Lima with Miranda, they're still together and yeah, everyone's good." Kurt said sitting in front of Rachel, as Blaine sat beside her.

"How are you guys?" She asked. "We're great, actually, we are engaged." Blaine said speaking for the first time holding up his hand. Rachel smiled, and said, "That's great guys."

"So um Rachel, what happened, to NYADA?" Blaine asked. "I'd rather not talk about it, I've got work in a little while so I should be heading out." Rachel said finishing the coffee, and crumbling the bagel in the napkin. "Well hey where do you work at?" Kurt asked standing as well as Rachel. "Sally's Strip Club." Rachel answered bluntly. "You're a stripper?" Blaine gasped. "No just a bartender, I don't have the body for that shit." Rachel said not excusing her language. "Oh, of course, um do you mind us getting your address, we would love to visit you sometime." Kurt said smiling. "I live in the deeper part of Brooklyn, you know East Ladden Street? It's the fourth house on the left." Rachel answered before checking her phone, as if she had short time, when honestly she was trying to avoid conversation.

"Um okay, well our phone is, 342-1895, if you ever want to call," Blaine said writing it down on a napkin before handing it to her. "Thanks, see you guys" She said taking the napkin before walking past them, not even caring that she probably still reeked of alcohol.

This was her life now, it was who she was, they would have to learn to accept it, if you wanted to be near her, you had to accept her, and her flaws she wouldn't change for anyone, not even them, because she wasn't Rachel Berry the annoying girl in high-school, she was Rachel Berry, a modified version.

Kurt paced the loft before yelling, "I mean how in the hell did this happen, she's Rachel Berry, she was destined for the big, now she works at a strip club, and lives in the Ghetto?" Blaine rubbed Kurt's back before saying, "It's okay honey, it's who she is now, we have to accept her."

Kurt glared at him before saying, "No we aren't and I know a way to fix this." Kurt pulled out his phone before dialing in a number,

He heard the person answer, and then he said, "Finn, it's Kurt, and we have a problem.

_**Okay so this is it my first Finchel fanfiction, yes it's going to be a long, angsty process, and I'm not the best writer by the way, so don't read if you don't want to! Review and give me your thought please! :) **_


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